Archive for the ‘Fun with job postings’ Category

Perhaps I’ve Read Too Much Theology

Tuesday, July 23rd, 2019 by The Director

Perhaps I’ve read too much theology (I was this close to trying for a triple English/Philosophy/Theology major at the university and have continued to read in the field after school), but when I saw this job posting:

I thought it was an Principal Technical Eschaton Engineer.

Which I feel eminently qualified for. I have a lot of experience telling important people that it’s the end of the world.

Well, I Do Have Experience Shaving Yaks

Tuesday, October 16th, 2018 by The Director used to be a good source for IT job postings, but in the last couple of years, not so much. I don’t know if it’s been totally eclipsed by the Joel on Software/Stack Overflow jobs board, or if my current city employers aren’t as hip to it as the employers in my previous, larger city, are, but it’s basically a collection of the same rotating set of low-level jobs that have a lot of churn or some hard-to-fill positions whose postings rotate through the primary employer followed by a series of recruiters looking to fill those jobs for the primary employer and wet their beaks in the process.

Oh, and now a posting for a pet groomer trainee.

At this point, Dice is a couple marketing intern and vacation club sales representative postings short of being

It Must Be Football Season

Tuesday, September 11th, 2018 by The Director

That’s North American football, not soccer. Why would you call that “football” when the sport has a name associated with it and not another sport? Because you like the confusion?

Where was I?

Oh, yes, it’s football season, which is why I see a job posting like Mobile QA Engineer, and I think, “I’m more of a pocket tester.”

Ask an American friend to explain it to you.

In Case I’m Looking For A New Career Path

Thursday, August 2nd, 2018 by The Director

I posted on Twitter the other day:

Mostly as an excuse to repost one of my recent favorite animated gifs:

So apparently, I’m looking for a new career, and some recruiter was quick to seize upon it:

Recruiters who perform ill-limited LinkedIn search to blast the results with job offers usually hit me for jobs I’m way overqualified and overpaid for. It’s rare that I get something completely out of the industry like this.

But who knows what I’ll get when I add voiceover work to my LinkedIn profile. Perhaps job offers to do voices for cartoons, which is not unlike what I do daily on conference calls.

Unfortunately, I Only Have A Year’s Experience

Tuesday, July 17th, 2018 by The Director

Hopefully this consulting company can find the Senior Hemissourlp Desk person it’s looking for.

Heaven knows, good hemissourlp desk people are hard to find.

Good Enough For Government Work

Tuesday, May 16th, 2017 by The Director

A consulting company offers this Information Assurance Engineer position to residents of Springfield, Missouri.

Except the job is actually located at Fort Belvoir. Which is near Springfield, Virgina.

A little off-by-1000-miles error.

But good enough for government contract recruiters.

Someone Is Unclear On What “Manual” Means

Friday, December 4th, 2015 by The Director

Job posting for a Manual Test Engineer:

Job duties:

As our Manual Test Engineer, you’ll ensure that our customers have a great experience when they use DataRobot. You will do this by developing and executing comprehensive and robust software validation tests (both automated and manual); including large datasets, advanced features, custom options, heavy usage, etc. You will also manage an external testing team and testing plans to align with our current customer use cases. This is a great opportunity for you if you’re detail oriented and driven to provide excellence within every customer interaction.

It’s a great opportunity to work as a senior QA engineer or manager with an entry-level title and, perhaps, pay.

Like Every Michelin Commercial Ever

Tuesday, January 27th, 2015 by The Director

Job posting:

A developer's job in an auto garage?

Can improved automobile tyres really make the world a better place? Should we trust developers the one to change the tyres?

To be honest, probably better than me: the last time I changed a tire, I cross-threaded two of the lug nuts and then snapped one of them off (with only a lug wrench, sir; I was motivated to remove that bolt). BECAUSE I BREAK THINGS.

It Won’t Last

Tuesday, January 11th, 2011 by The Director

Apparently, Clockwork in MN is looking for a QA intern. It’s only in a testing intern that you can even hope to find this trait:

Nice QA.  Don't bite me.
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I’ll take “2 weeks” in the “How long until they break him/her” pool.

We’ve Got Answers, All Right

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010 by The Director

An interesting split of job duties in this job posting:

You want the A?  You can't handle the A!

Testing and Q&A. I’m not sure if you’d be responsible for the answers or the questions or both. Maybe it would be something fun like Jeopardy! where you get answers and you have to provide the questions. I should apply. I love Jeopardy!

Wait, it’s a Q&A Analyst. Maybe you just have to score Q&A sessions, maybe in realtime. The CEO holds an all-hands meeting, and you sit in the back flashing number cards with every obfuscation he dissembles.

Zombies Preferred, But Not Required

Monday, April 26th, 2010 by The Director

This job posting says alternative health/lifestyle is a plus:

An alternative health/lifestyle sounds a lot like death.  Or undeath.
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I mean, what’s the alternative to health? Undeath.

Be A Tiger

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010 by The Director

Finally, someone has a QA job whose title I approve of:

QA Maneater wanted

However, they left the e out of Maneater.

(Sent in by reader Dave H., who presumably sent it in because the careless job poster misspelled the title, not because omitting the hyphen in the year spans makes it look like they want someone with almost six decades of QA career behind them.)

Pays in D&D Loot

Thursday, February 11th, 2010 by The Director

You know you’re in for a wild spelling ride when you’re looking at a job posting for a Web Contruction / Editor Analyst, and the job listing does not disappoint on that score.

The best part, though, is the compensation:

Plus you get experience points!
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You get experience points, too? Awesome! You’ll finally get to 18th level Tester and can think about multiclassing.

Craigslist Backlash Targets Single Company

Thursday, January 28th, 2010 by The Director

In Springfield, Missouri, the Craigslist designers are ganging up on one local company.


 Attack 1
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Attack 2
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Attack 3
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You know, I once worked at a dysfunctional company.  No, I mean crazy dysfunctional.  It was run by a guy named Bob who went from selling printing services in the 1970s and 1980s (like business cards and whatnot) to building PCs in the 1990s.  He was a scatterbrained, power-drunk mad professor with no technical skill or business acumen.  His wife and a couple of employees loyal to his wife, who also worked there, kept the business afloat.  Bob would rant and rave at employees, he would fire people at the drop of the hat (one woman brought in doughnuts every time she was fired).  And I caught on in 1994 as a Clerk Friday, which meant I did some shipping/receiving, some filing, some accounts receivable (violating many Federal statutes given my training–“Here’s a printout of late customers.  Here’s a phone”).  The fellow and I once had an argument about my name, as he addressed me as Mark repeatedly and was confused when I corrected him.  Then he fired me, and I didn’t come in to work for the celebratory doughnuts (since the woman was fired the same day), and he called me at home to ask where I was.  We argued about whether he fired me or not, so I quit.  “Without warning?” he asked.  As you can tell by this run-on paragraph, I still get riled up about it.  Also, it makes for some interesting asterisking if I’m ever asked if I’ve been fired.

So these kinds of companies can stay in business for years and decades.  What a world.

Also, it makes me wonder what sort of market I’ve moved into here where good Web designers, or at least self-confident Web designers, start at $14 an hour.

More Craigslist Backlash

Friday, January 22nd, 2010 by The Director

In addition to another response to the St. Louis job listing I noted yesterday, we find another case of Craigslist backlash in Minnesota today.  Is it cropping up everywhere, or are my loyal Minneapolitano readers joining in the fun?

First, the job posting:

$200, same as in town, as long as that town is Lahore.
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The riposte:

I know what kind of designer you are; now we're just haggling over price.
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To misquote Dwight Yoakum, apparently the responding designer ain’t that hungry yet.

But I wouldn’t expect to see that small company become a larger company anytime soon.  One wonders what the full time salary would be if each project is $200?  Maybe since their Web pages are served, they would go for the waiter minimum wage.

Another Case of Craigslist Job Posting Backlash

Thursday, January 21st, 2010 by The Director

In the St. Louis area, another job seeker has lashed out at someone looking to hire.  In this case, someone specific.

The job posting:

 Looking for a Flash developer.  Or are they?
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In the interest of full disclosure, I have had some dealings with the recruiting company in question, and, boy, they sure are recruiters over there.

The riposte:

You're measured words convince me.
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In which the $60 an hour designer, or the person who would be a $60 an hour designer if anyone hired him or her, shows a stunning grasp of the English language.  It sure left me speechless.  Let’s see, what is that, 19 grammatical mistakes in the rant?  I’m only skimming here.

Sounds like a lot of designers.  Put them words in your pretty Web sites and see who notices.  Probably nobody in IT but the QA you cannot afford since you’re paying the designers $60 an hour.  Or would if they had their way.

UPDATE: The next day, the following response to the response appeared:

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The recruiter, the friend of the recruiter, or another catty designer?  You decide!

Exciting Job Opportunities

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010 by The Director

I think some HR people and consulting recruiters already have a little cabin fever in Minneapolis.  Two recent job postings seem to indicate something ain’t right.

Job 1: A combination Web developer/shipping and receiving clerk/delivery driver:

 Oh, wait a minute - do I still get to be the janitor?
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Job 2: A Java development position whose consulting company recruiter is only phoning it in.  The headline of the job posting is Date Resource:

Sounds like an escort position of some sort.
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The lede:

Date resource is required: 01/11/2010

Anticipated end date: 05/30/2010

Location: Minneapolis, MN

The vendor is expected to thoroughly screen the candidate to ensure the Self Assessment form is accurately filled out. We have little patience for candidates who have overstated their skill level / experience We are looking for a highly qualified Web Services developer to join an on-going Wachovia, Wells integration project.

Note the admonishment to the recruiter that he or she should pay attention.  You know my position on recruiters, particularly those who post on craigslist.  You are in good hands, applicant.

Hey, speaking of bad craigslist ads, here’s a whole blog of them: You Suck at Craigslist.

I Know The Feeling

Monday, January 4th, 2010 by The Director

Someone else trolling craigslist jobs postings reacts to the common postings for jobs requiring 10 years of skill out of part time interns and offering a bit lower than the prevailing wage:

But if it's $12 an hour Canadian, these days that's real money.
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Sadly, I fear this person reads the craigslist job listings as serious and expresses his frustration at not being able to find a job through these listings.  I hope this poster’s pride doesn’t lead to starvation if he cannot find a job with the salary he thinks he so richly deserves.

Me, I troll craigslist job postings just because they’re funny for the very reason stated here and because they’re often rife with errors that I can make fun of for your amusement.

Craftsman Experience Required; Hammering Nails, Cutting Wood, Not So Much

Thursday, December 17th, 2009 by The Director

I was reviewing this job posting, and its skills required list touched lightly upon one of my pet peeves:


Quality Center
Clear Quest

I hate job postings where they require detailed knowledge of a particular brand or flavor of QA software.  Instead of focusing on the underlying skills that the tester will need, organizations focus on the superficial.  It’s akin to a job as a home remodeler being predicated on whether someone has experience with Craftsman tools versus Kobalt or  Black and Decker.

I know why that junk is in there: so HR interns can winnow some people out of the crowd.  However, it also winnows out skilled people who worked at places with smaller budgets and elevates lesser applicants who worked for comparably-budgeted QA departments, particularly when any of the big packages are named as required.

World Record For Typos In Ad Recruiting QA?

Monday, September 21st, 2009 by The Director

Could this be the world record in typos in an ad recruiting for quality assurance people?

At least they spelled QA right.
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Given that the recruiter misspelled 3 of 50 words, that’s a 92.5% success rate.  Acceptable!

Also, note the hourly rate: $27-33.  Don’t be fooled.  That’s -6.  He expects you to pay him six dollars an hour for the privilege of acting as his personal spell check.

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